I wanna passion pit in your ass
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Did I show you my penis last night?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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