Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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