the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
