I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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