omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
