toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
