I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
