yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
