Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's blow job season.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
