There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
