omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
