i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
