I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
