just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
