Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
