I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
