No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
