Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
