I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
