dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
