and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
