i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
