I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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