I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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