I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
