I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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