duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pants are for mortals
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
