why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
