I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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