I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
