A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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