At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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