cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
