New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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