so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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