He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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