Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
