I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
