he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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