i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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