Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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