whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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