I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
