I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
