Don't you send me to vm
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
