I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
