Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
