the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
