yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
