Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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