just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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