Having a random hookup so left but love u
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
