if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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