he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
