im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
