New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
