Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
